I've never used the passion & gifting God gave me for anything other than my enjoyment... for the complete & utter pleasure of writing myself clear & whole. I've never written anything in the hopes that someone else would be blessed, touched or inspired by it.
I simply love to write. I connect with something sacred when the words begin to flow. I love the flow.
Not being able to write would be like cutting me off from myself. The pieces of myself don't fit together coherently when I don't write, things in this world stop making sense when I don't write... I stop making sense (to myself) when I don't write.
Though beloved, writing is a solitary exercise that pulls me into myself and away from the vital connections that sustain me and keep me sane. I begin to "turn" on myself when I spend too much time writing. My writer me is my most fundamental me... she's been neglected long enough. It's time I started learning how to live with her. It's time to shake her free of the negative thought patterns she drags around with her (sure, they help her write - but they depress the hell out of me).
I've never used what God has given me to tell a story of something beautiful and good. If I should die never having used the passion & gifts God gave me to write, that would be an utterly deplorable & shameful WASTE.
I will not waste this life.