Jul 23, 2009

The Nitty Gritty

Who am I, How'd I get here (& why should you care)?

I'm a mom-on-pause. (no, not as compelling as "mom-on-crack" or "mom-on-Prozac", nor as sexy as "PTA Prez by day/stripper by night"... but that's me. Normal.) Two years ago, I arrived at a mid-life whateverucallit. I was 11 years into a career that didn't fit. My soul was saying I need beauty - I need peace. My mind was saying to hell with this!

I couldn't shake the feeling that something was slipping away. Things were left undone (unfinished business is a recurring theme in my life).

I'd been an admin assistant @ D+E almost 4 years. Like most professional services firms, D+E's culture values control freaks. But I'm the anti-control freak. And on many days, I felt like I was an inch from a meltdown.

A life spent behind a desk at D+E was safe. But for me, that life would be an utter waste.

I decided I would not waste this life.

Doors were closing all around me. (I don't mean the firm's doors were closing, mine were). One by one, my reasons to stay - those precious ties to my friends & co-workers - were plucked away. All I had left was a place, culture, team where I was a mismatch.

Now, I ain't no punk. I gave birth twice all natural, with absolutely no pain relief. The OB even gave me an episiotomy without any anesthetic (ok, that did make me scream). My pain threshold is pretty high. But when it comes to emotional & psychological turmoil - my theme song is the rap classic "I'm lookin' at the front door." Not fitting in was painful for me. (do we ever really get over the high school fear of being the outcast?)

The writing was on the wall. It was time to get off the train. So... I jumped.

I landed here. Regrouped (somewhat). Balanced (sorta). The future is taking shape (in a way). But, I'm still the same old piece of work.

Part of me wants a shortcut to get wherever I'm going because the long way will be painful. (endurance - my lack of it - is another recurring theme in my life. It's a test & I'm sick n' tired of flunking). The long way will eventually earn me the Masters in Public Health. But first I have to get through the GRE, biostatistics, hours & hours of agonizingly dry journal articles.
Eventually, the long way will deliver a purpose driven career in a concentration of public health that doesn't exist (yet)... spiritual health promotion.

I want to develop & implement programs that can transform public health into a science and
art that works to heal the public (get it? Public Health --> Heal the Public). Not surprisingly, storytelling, creativity, spirituality & collaborations with faith communities would be a key part of this undertaking.

I'm sure I haven't answered the last question of this post (which is why it's in parentheses): why should you care?

I guess there's no reason you
should care... unless you're at a similar place... or you've been-there-done-that... or you have nothing better to do.

Don't worry if the latter is your reason - you're in good company, if I do say so myself.

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