My Next Vacation Destination Just May Be...

For some reason, I keep saying "Bangladesh" when I want to say "Bladensburg" (a city near my home). I'm just spooky/spiritual enough to believe this weird persistant freudian slip... means something.

I dreamed, read, watched travel shows about Asia for almost 2 years. All the while, I kept saying "I think I'm supposed to travel to Asia." Suddenly, (with zero effort on my part) an opportunity came and off to Asia I went.

Weird as this may seem, in the back of my mind, I'm wondering... should I be singing the song "Bangladesh, boy here I come..."

How Do Good Things Keep Happening?

I so needed to read this today. Just stumbled upon it. Enjoy!

How Do Good Things Keep Happening?

Fence post up the butt

11 years had distorted my memories of Nigeria. Children, depression, abandonment of my PhD, the near death of my marriage all happened in the space between visits. Nigeria 2010 was better than I remembered. So was I.

Chinua Achebe called Nigeria "dirty, callous & vulgar, a place of unrelenting selfishness." It's also a public urinal. Men piss everywhere. And I do mean everywhere! By day 3, I could only marvel "how is this place not swimming in piss?"

The city is a sensory assault. Dusty potholed streets, rubbish strewn neighborhoods, green black sludge in open gutters, auto exhaust fumes so thick you feel choked, motorways jammed up with vendors & vehicles, vehicles crammed up with people. Your standard issue 3rd World overcrowded urban experience I suppose.

Despite the frustrations, this time I enjoyed the novelty of Lagos. Its defiance. Its leanness & strength. Its fearless street hawkers. Its vibrantly dressed women. The ever present irony of the glo mobile phone carrier slogan "RULE YOUR WORLD". (Really? rule your world? in a city like Lagos where you rule NOTHING... God in Heaven, the balls it takes to declare such a thing in such a place!). Most of all I enjoyed that our house was an oasis of calm in the middle of all that chaos. In small doses, Lagos is tolerable.

I never expected this trip to inspire admiration because - let's face it - among Africans, Nigerians are known for taking arrogance to entirely new levels.

But I did admire them. Grudgingly. And I understood why my mentor Mudavanha said Nigerians were "smarter, faster, better looking" than other Africans. It really is survival of the fittest in Lagos. You have to be tough, you have to be aggressive, you have to be loud to make it here. And they are. All of the above.

My father-in-law wants to know if I can live there, even though you'll often hear the locals proclaim "In Nigeria, you will suffer." Even though (after watching hours of Yoruba language dramas depicting women as conniving, cheating, deceiving or evil) I'm convinced the Yoruba don't appreciate, trust or even like their women.

"On the fence" is my official position. After 16 years, he ain't at all satisfied with that.

How would I even begin to approach life in Lagos if it should come to that? I've known since I married this man that he would return one day. Permanently. As the eldest, first born son who found success in America, he is the undisputed heir apparent for the office of family patriarch.

So far, the only way I can see making peace with Lagos is to surrender to it. Don't bother asking "why is it this way?" or "why doesn't it do things this way?"Accept it unconditionally, warts, bad breath & all. And do the best you can to get around in it.

But by doing that, I'd run the risk of becoming every bit as aggressive & hard faced as the natives. Unacceptable.

I keep telling myself maybe when that day comes, when the kids are grown, maybe I'll be ready for an adventure. Paul Theroux wrote "all news out of Africa is bad. It made me want to go there."

This damned fencepost is stabbing me in the butt, but I'm just not there yet Mr. Theroux.

Nope, not yet.

Africa should change your life

Visiting Africa should change your life.

Dr. Mudavanha (the Africentric father figure/mentor who guided me through the obstacle course of my developing racial identity) said all Black Americans should travel to West Africa. When Black Americans visit Africa, it either makes them more African or more American. Can you see yourself living here?

Imagine what your life would be like if your ancestors didn't survive the Middle Passage or were never captured or kidnapped into slavery. Could this be you?

Envision yourself living in Nigeria. It should be easy because Nigerians look like us (it's probably more correct to say we look like them.). Stay in Lagos long enough, I guarantee you'll see someone who looks like your cousin, your high school sweetheart, your brother, your uncle... maybe even you.

The African/Asian story un-wound (in me)

In my life, my body belongs to Africa. I make love to it. My womb has nurtured its seed. My breasts have nursed two of its daughters.

In my dreams, my heart belongs to Asia. The photos & images that transfix me are always Asian. Even my breath goes still at the vision. Rice paddies dotted with ox carts & small women in cone shaped hats bent over at the waist, immersed to their ankles in muddy water. Slender limbed, dark skinned women trudging dusty roads, draped in vividly colored saris, bangles ascending each arm. They carry water on their head. They stare without smiling as they pass.

I traveled this summer to Africa & Asia. And I came away with a deeper understanding of me than I ever had before. I learned some things, was surprised by some things, settled some things, became wiser about some things. The next few posts will highlight some of these insights. I hope no one finds it too boring.

Til next time.

Siem Reap, Cambodia

Rush hour traffic in Siem Reap

Ilesha, Nigeria

Lagos, Nigeria